How can I Cope with my Grief?
Ways to Cope with the Memories
Grief is a process that affects us physically and emotionally. In sudden loss, such as a miscarriage, the feelings can be overwhelming. There is no certain pattern, stages or phases that sudden loss follows, but we have provided some sources that might help you work through your grief.
Sadness and a great sense of loss are typical after a miscarriage. Although your baby was small and perhaps only a few weeks along in gestation it was your baby. A miscarriage represents the loss of an expected, often greatly anticipated baby. You may have had very specific plans for this baby and find it very hard to release those plans. Instead of trying to forget your baby, as many people might suggest-celebrate your baby's brief life. Collect mementos that remind you of your pregnancy.
As you move through your grief you might want to give your baby a name-it could be a unisex name like Erin or Pat. If you think your baby was a girl or boy, then name your baby accordingly. There are no "rules" to name a baby.
Society does not provide us with many conventional ways to honor our babies lost to miscarriage. You might want to consider having a service of remembrance.
Ways to Cope with the Feelings
In the early stages of loss, most people suffer and anger. You might find it helpful to write during this time. Rage about the injustices of life in letters or journals. Others find that they are like a rubber band stretched to the absolute limit and long for a physical way to express their anger. Any non-destructive way of venting your anger will help. Digging in the garden, smashing a tennis ball, pounding a pillow, or brisk walking can be good ways of expressing your anger.
There are a number of books that can be helpful. (See our list in the book resources.) There are many parallels in our lives and reading someone else's story of loss can often be validating. Just knowing that someone has had similar thoughts and experiences can aid in the healing process. There are also a number of good newsletters and websites that might help you through the grieving process.